So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
