I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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