woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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