It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
