Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
