dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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