Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
