Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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