I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
