I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
