I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
