my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
worst night to have a conscience
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
