did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize