I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Sober January is a disaster.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
