shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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