I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
