fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
