i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
