instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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