i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It was confusing and full of hummus
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
