Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just high enough for therapy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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