Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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