I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
