glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
