check it out our google latitudes are spooning
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
