just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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