Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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