just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
