Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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