Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
