Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
