You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
