I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
