I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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