So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
