I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
A+ Viking dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
