I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just found puke in my bra..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
