just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
