so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
