Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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