dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
