Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
