she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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