I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
