I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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