Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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