She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
