Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
