They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
