If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
