im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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