Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
