OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
